Essay Writing Manuals

Compose an Excellent Essay Without Much Effort

Let’s be honest here, you’re a busy guy/gal. You might have a significant other, or a dog, or maybe you’re going to some parties later, or maybe you’re going to draw anime characters and post it online for people you don’t know to compliment. No matter what you do, it’s odd to ever see anyone with too much time on their hands nowadays. And only people with too much time on their hands put effort into their essays, right? Here’s how to compose an essay without all that meddling blood, sweat, and tears that your professor or teacher told you you were going to spill.

Get pumped about your thesis.

Nothing makes effort feel effortless like getting really angry over something that has nothing to do with you. How could Muhammad Ali Jinnah do that to Jawaharlal Nehru! That jerk! And take a look at Gertrude from Hamlet! Somebody call Child Protective Services! When you get yourself hyped about your thesis, the words of pure anger and hatred will just flow out of your fingers like the adrenaline flowing out of your thyroid. If it makes it any easier for you, imagine your friends all believe the opposite of what you think your thesis is. No yeah Jinnah was an okay guy and the two-nation theory was totally inherently correct and not at all a ploy by the colonists to keep the colonized Indians subservient. And I mean look at Gertrude, she was just doing what was normal at the time, and a woman can’t rule a country by herself. “No!” you yell from behind a fern or possibly a small tree. Get up onto your soapbox and argue your point into your head’s friends. They’re wrong, and you’re right, and here’s your reasons why.

Start reading the materials a week before you write your first paragraph, and write your first paragraph at least a week before the rest of your paper, and write the rest of your paper at least a week before it’s due.

When you have your thesis set in stone and you’re thoroughly pumped up and angry about it, it should leave a little bit of a feisty flavor deep in the center of your brain as you go about your daily life. Maybe in the shower, or in bed before you go to sleep, or in an isolation tank, or sauna, the answer to the question will hit you in the face like your dad throwing you a baseball. The materials should be well known to you, so subconsciously your brain will be scanning the materials looking for ways to further your argument. “Trust that the dots will connect,” a wise Steve Jobs once said about an unrelated subject that wasn’t about this at all, though the quote works well in context. Sometimes, you may even realize that you don’t really believe in your thesis at all, and so you just have to rewrite. This is why you need to allow ample time in between your thesis writing and your body paragraph writing. Form your thesis when you’re drunk with anger at whatever it is you’re writing about, and then argue your thesis with a mind of quiet but determined sobriety.

Nothing will make your paper reak of low effort than a grammar mistake.

If you hate rereading the things you write, then get your friend or girlfriend or boyfriend or parent or brother or cleverbot to proofread it for you. Nothing will say “Hey, look, I actually tried,” like a well-written, well-formatted, and proofread paper.



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